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| i had to go to the beach today.
stressing out about a lot of things. my mind needed some clarity, if only for a moment.
i forgot how i am not native to this place yet and get lost frequently.
but i knew how to get to the good spots at the beach, just took me a while.
as i drove around, somewhat aimlessly, i was swept with this overwhelming feeling of homesickness.
i don't know this place yet.
it's not like it's that different than home and i'm only an hour away
but still, it's not home. it's new and foreign.
i missed the simplicity of home and knowing where everything was,
knowing everyone around, having memories running rampant around every neighborhood.
finally reaching the beach, i enjoyed how it was pretty much mine for the moment.
no one was around (i went to the spot where no one seems to go i guess).
the ocean seemed to stretch to the farthest reaches of my imagination.
it reminded me of the spot at the cliffs overlooking blacks beach.
our spot.
i remembered how the ocean ran on forever and ever.
time stopped for us and peace came with every crashing wave.
i didn't understand then but i understand (or trying to, at least)
how extremely difficult it must be to be so far from home.
that is, if the word 'difficult' can truly emcompass how much pain you're going through.
i can only apologize for not being comforting and supportive.
while you're struggling to stay afloat, i hand you more weight to help you sink.
i'm so sorry.
i miss the moments when time was ours to control.
but i enjoy having the time thrown up in the air like this.
i may not be able to explain it well,
but it's like the struggles we go through now obviously make us stronger
but it also makes us unstoppable. time will no longer be an obstacle.
i felt like this before, but i really am trying to cement myself in this mentality
that time doesn't stop love. it gives it wings to soar over any adversity.
i'll respect your needs and although it hurts to give it to you,
i know this isn't the end.
our love is too strong for that.
take as much time as you need because i need it too.
my heart is yours too.
| | |
| i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
By E E Cummings | | |
| Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
When it comes to love, I cannot fear for the future anymore.
I can't worry about what to do or what's about to come anymore.
I love. God is love. And God is always there.
I bear it out through whatever comes because I know I have someone with me, going through the exact same situation. You and you alone know the struggles that we have and we bear them together with God.
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
| | |
| Every day that passes seems to prove that 2009 has been the worst year.
But no matter what, I cannot and will not lose faith.
I must always have faith.
I must always have trust.
And most importantly, I must always persevere.
I'll pray for you always.
But will you pray for me?
I need God to keep me safe
and be beside me more than ever before. | | |
| life isn't perfect and no one ever said it was.
life isn't fair and no one ever said it was.
life can't go the way you want or plan and no one ever said that was the way.
Jesus said that He is the only salvation and this is the only way and He said that it was.
and to be honest, the only times that my life has felt like it was unravelling or falling apart was when i wasn't following His way or seeking Him in the way He wanted us to.
i always want everything to be perfect.
when it can't be perfect, i want to make sure i plan out and prepare for anything unexpected.
when i can't do that, i want it to be at least fair and even.
when that can't happen, i give up.
but why live life in such a way that defeats the purpose of growing up?
why live in such a way that 1) isn't pleasing to God and 2) continues my route to immaturity?
i can't keep these bad habits and living so immaturely.
it hurts me, those around me, and especially God.
i feel like everytime i take one step forward, i end up taking two steps back.
it's frustrating to say the least but is that not what life is for?
to realize that we're only human and life is not perfect.
to understand our limitations but continue strive for above and beyond that.
to always have complete faith and trust in God no matter what.
i need to practice to put God first and make Him the center of everything and anything,
that is the only way to live that is perfect. | | |
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